That makes a lot of sence Mr.C. :thumb:
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There was a middle aged couple who had two stunningly beautiful teenage
daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always
wanted.
After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine
months later, delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one
look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be
the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I
fathered." Then he gave hera
stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"
The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time."
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Jolene had been wanting new kitchen cabinets for a long time, but her husband insisted they were an extravagance.
She went to visit her Mother for two weeks, and when she
returned, she was overjoyed to find that beautiful new cabinets
had been installed.
A few days later a neighbour came over to visit and after
admiring the new cabinets, the neighbour added, "All of us were
so glad that the fire your husband had while you were gone was
confined to the kitchen."
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A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you *******s who
want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you *******s who are getting on, get your ass in the train, cause we're going down the tracks".
The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with this train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just Boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today. As the mother began to smile, the child added,
"For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat ***** in the kitchen."
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The married business executive had to make a trip to
Palm Beach alone for his corporation. After a few days he was
enjoying himself so much that he decided to stay another week
as part of his vacation.
Wanting to share this newly discovered paradise, he sent
an email to his bachelor friend: "Take the next plane for a fun
week on me. Bring my wife and your mistress."
His friend was quick to email back: "Your wife and I
arriving tomorrow 11:30 a.m. How long have you known about us?
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The Pope is visiting town and all the residents
are dressed up in their best Sunday clothes.
Everyone lines up on main street hoping for a
personal blessing from the Pope. One local
man has put on his best suit and he's sure the
Pope will stop and talk to him. He is standing
next to an exceptionally down-trodden looking
bum who doesn't smell very good.
As the Pope comes walking by he leans over and
says something to the bum and then walks right
by the local man. He can't believe it, then
it hits him. The Pope won't talk to him, he's
concerned for the unfortunate people: the poor
and and feeble ones.
Thinking fast, he gives the bum $20 to trade
clothes with him. He puts on the bum's clothing
and runs down the street to line up for another
chance for the Pope to stop and talk to him.
Sure enough, the Pope walks right up to him
this time, leans over close and says "I thought
I told you to get the hell out of here!"
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Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at
the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven,
they would each have to answer one question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship
that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it."
The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him
through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't *really*
need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the
question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"
Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie. "1,228," he
answered.
"That's right! You may enter."
St. Peter turned to the lawyer. "Name them."
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This guy went to hospital for a circumcision,
but because of a mix up, he ended up having
a complete sex change.
All of the doctors and nurses had gathered
around his bed as he was waking up so they
could give him the bad news.
Naturally, the poor guy went to pieces and
started crying when they explained what had
happened to him.
"Oh no!" he moaned, "this means I'll never
be able to experience an er*ction ever again!"
"Of course you will," one of the doctors
soothed. "It'll just have to be someone
else's, that's all."
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